I shy away from activities I'm not good at, or feel I'm not good at. I just can't seem to be a beginner anymore.
I don't post as often to this blog as I might if I didn't have this slight case of perfectionism. I get an idea, but after I've written it down it usually seems too trivial, or boring, to post. The blogosphere is full of the trivial - why should I feel bad about my posts?
I took piano lessons when I was very young. I was OK. I played a few songs adequately. I didn't like to practice, so I plateaued. I think I'm interested in trying again. I have both a piano and an electronic keyboard. I have the time. But because I can't make amazing, accomplished music right now, I don't sit down to play. It's difficult to listen to myself play - it's not that I'm so bad, but I'm back to being a beginner.
I took a drawing class when I lived in New Hampshire. Actually, I did pretty well. But I haven't picked up my drawing pencils (despite getting some cool new pencils, sketch pads, and helpful books for Christmas) because, of course, I'm not an expert yet.
I'm not going to do this anymore. My posts will see the light of day, regardless of how trivial they seem. I will sit down at one of the pianos and play, no matter how painful. I will keep trying to draw the perfect boat in the perfect harbor.